When you have a chainsaw wielding psycho chasing you, there will be two things on your mind. “Why oh why did I agree to meet this guy on Tinder?” and “I need to find somewhere safe to hide!” Whilst your dating preferences are not really that relevant here, looking for shelter is very important to today’s nasty little offering. There’s a horror trope that goes pretty much unnoticed and we want to uncover it right here, the infamous safety in a police station fallacy. You see, in many horror films, the protagonist will eventually make their way to a police station, with the hope that the sturdy walls, strong bars and armed officers, will be enough to save them form the oncoming threat. But time and time again, we see that even Police Stations can’t stop the HORROR! Here are ten of our favourite examples!  (Spoilers duh!)

Killer Clowns from Outer Space (1988)

When a bunch of blood thirsty alien clowns invade a small Californian town, all hell breaks loose. Sceptical deputy, Curtis Mooney (John Vernon), refuses to believe the reports or “Killer Clowns” and instead arrest one of the creatures, believing it to be a teen prankster, and locks him a cell with two prisoners. When another deputy arrives at the station, he finds the prisoners encased in candyfloss cocoons and a deceased Mooney being used as a ventriloquist’s dummy. If there are lessons to be learnt here, it’s that crime should be taken seriously, not hilariously handcuffed to petty criminals who are about to get their faces chewed off.  

Last Shift (2014)

Starting a new job sometime puts you at the bottom of the pecking order, and it’s not unusual to get some of the jobs nobody else wants. Jessica Loren is a rookie police officer on her first assignment, and rather than have her arresting junkies and booking prostitutes, they drop her into a mostly abandoned police station, and ordered to take the last shift before it is permanently closed. This easy shift turns from, “sitting on my arse doing nothing” to “holy shit this place is really haunted” in a matter of hours, and before her shift is done, she’s become a paranoid schizoid going around shooting at people. All of this over a few moving chairs?

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

A large police station, somewhere out in the Florida countryside, is turned into a blood bath at the hands of the “Creeper”, in the 2001 horror Jeepers Creepers. This ancient creature wakens every twenty-third spring with a mega hunger, but rather than heading for the closest KFC and ordering a ridiculously large bucket to go, this winged beast likes human flesh.  For twenty-three days it gets to feast on human body parts, and this spring, it has its sights set on Darry Jenner. Taking refuge in the police station, Darry and his sister soon discover that these “secure” walls can’t save them, as the police are overpowered by the creature. The Creeper disables the power, feasts on some prisoners and then evades capture, killing several well-armed cops and swooping out of a window with Derry under one arm. This is one severe case of the munchies!

Desperation (2006)

A giant sheriff by the name of Collie Entragian is responsible for some terrible atrocities, in the film adaption of Stephen King’s Desperation. Kidnapping people off the nearby highway and dragging them into the police station, he brazenly kills several people and imprisons the rest. Whilst you’d like to think that the long hours and desert heat might have gotten to Entragian, it’s an ancient demon that has risen from an old mine and is now swapping bodies like shoes, slipping in and out of people as it sees fit. Whilst Entragian plans to keep his prisoners locked up until he needs their bodies, the folk trapped inside the police station have other plans.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Returning to Haddonfield for a third night of “knifey stab stab”, the infamous Michael Myers is finally caught by the police thanks to his obsessive Psychiatrist, a chain net and a shit ton of tranquilizers. They shove Myers in a cell, mask and all (who’d want to try and take that damn thing off of him?) and go about celebrating their victory with manly hugs and vigorous back slaps.  Well ok, that last part is not true. However, they do let their guard down, as a mysterious man in black casually walks into the police station and goes about murdering the entire force with a machine gun and some hand-grenades. Michael might not be much of a talker, but he certainly has friends with large arsenals.

Salem’s Lot (1979)

When Floyd Tibbets end up in police cells overnight, the last thing he was expecting was a midnight visit form a member of the blue men group. Disturb from sleep, Floyds spots a shadowy figure lurking at the cell door, but rather than chucking a load of paint and glitter at him, the blue faced fiend pounces on the poor man and sinks it’s sharp fangs into his neck. It’s not a good end for Loyd, but it’s probably much more merciful than having to sit through two hours of dancing smurfs.

Assault on Precinct 13 (1976)

The name Street Thunder makes you sound more like a street dance troupe than a gang of dangerous criminals, and this may be the main reason why this South Central Los Angeles, ghetto gang, go on a killing rampage. Having been caught with a bunch of assault rifles, a number of gang members are gunned down by a team of heavily armed LAPD officers. Vowing revenge, the gangs warlords swear a blood oath to wash more often, wear deodorant whilst using public transport and kill everything that moves. The gang fall upon a decommissioned police precinct during the last few hours before it is permanently closed. Lieutenant Ethan Bishop, a newly promoted California Highway Patrol officer, chooses to stand his ground to protect a number of prisoners still in the building. Yep, the film doesn’t just have a cool sounding title, the film really is about an assault on police precinct.

Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Having just witnessed his girlfriend’s murder by an invisible force, Rod finds himself spending some time at the local police station, trying to explain how his girl ended up looking like wolverine had gone full berserker rage on her. Like most of the teens on A Nightmare on Elm Street, the harder Rod cries wolf, the more the police don’t believe him. Looking to face a trail for murder, Rod falls into an awkward sleep filled with terrifying images of a man in a tatty hat and knives for fingers. Even in the safety of a police cell, Rod cannot escape Freddy Kruger. The dream master slips bed-sheets round Rod neck and hangs him from his cell.

The Frighteners (1996)

Frank Bannister is a wanted man in Peter Jackson’s pre “Rings” masterpiece, Frighteners. Frank has some questions to answer about a series of mysterious deaths in the local community, and FBI agent Milton Dammers thinks that Frank is the man responsible, locking him in the police stations small holding cell. However, Frank has a secret, he’s one of the few people that can see the dead and is not a creepy kid.  Death has returned to the picturesque little town of Fairwater. This grim-reaper styled spook is killing and it wants Frank. The spook tracks down the troubled ex architect to his prison cell, easily moving through the thick steel walls, because you know…. he’s a ghost! Stuck in his cell, with Death reaching into his chest, it looks like Franks time is finally up…

Terminator (1984)

Three little words launched a global sensation, when an Austrian body builder walked into a police station, in James Cameron’s epic sci-fi horror The Terminator. Looking to kill his target, Sarah Conner, Arnold Schwarzenegger muscled cyborg begins an epic assault on the busy Los Angeles station. The police force fight back valiantly, but their efforts are futile, as the arrange of bullets fail to slow down the killer machines. The police do manage to stall the cyborg, allowing Sarah to escape. But much like an album by Childish Gambino this machine absolutely will not stop, ever!

Maniac Cop (1988)

When Matthew Cordell gets mad, he turns green rips of his shirt and fights crime. Oh…no…wait, Cordell just goes around killing people! Officer Matthew “Matt” Cordell is the tragic villain and main protagonist of the Maniac Cop, and he takes his job very seriously. Having been framed and sent to prison, he was also murder by other inmates and now he’s back, uniform and all, for revenge. In one rampage, he infiltrates a police station and manages to kill half a dozen officers. He even hangs one from a ceiling, which is kind of weird thing to do mid rampage. Even weirder Cordell manages to escape from the crime scene without one single officer spotting him. Worst police station EVER!

“Hi Horror Fans – Well, if the police can’t hold back the HORRORS of the world, what hope do we have? I guess the officers who met a STICKY end in thees films can arREST in Peace. Let us know your favorite Police moments in film with a message in the comments below.

Keep Rotten”

“Morti” The Mortician