Are you extremely impatient and easily annoyed by others? Are Your Friends, family, partners and co-workers all starting to grate on you? Well let’s for a second, imagine that the Zombie Apocalypse has just kicked off and now you’re stuck with these people, for days, months.. even years.

After a while, everyone will begin to look a little like an asshole. But we here at ‘Horror Land’ are only happy with the real McCoy’s, the big villains of any given situations. I’m talking about the people that seriously and irrationally mess up your day.  A good zombie film needs a bad guy to even the playing field, because whilst the Zombies are the constant threat, it’s the people that are the real danger. And the people on our list are serious ASSHOLES!

If you’ve watched any zombie films within the last 20 years, you’ll know the classic subtext, humans are more dangerous than zombies. Whether your big Walking dead fan or an aficionado of Romero’s earlier films, it’s the Humans that have always been the biggest threat to the survivors. When under pressure and trapped, it’s these renegade characters that put everyone else’s lives in jeopardy, usually to secure their own worthless existence.

But why is that?

Given enough resources and courage, the survivors can outwit and outmaneuver the undead hoard, usually finding some safe sanctuary to hold up, whilst the zombie apocalypse just blows over. And this is where things slow down. Our Heroes take a time out from all the brain smashing and zombie dodging, but this is just the eye of the storm. The film needs to get back on the road, pick up speed and get those zombies back on the playing field.  There needs to be jeopardy, and there’s no better way of doing that than with a spanner in the works. Just one Asshole character can turn the tide of the entire film and risk the lives of everyone.

We have pulled together our list of favourite villainous bad guys that made our heroes lives hell. From selfish single minded bastards, to people that just wanted to watch the world burn. There is always one Asshole in a Zombie Film, and these are our picks. (Spoilers ahead for the Newly undead!)

Day of the Dead (2004) – Steve Marcus

Steve Marcus is the cocky, arrogant and selfish survivor that does not work well with others. Reluctant to pull his own weight, he lets the others secure the facility and plan, whilst he relaxes.
It’s his cowardice and selfishness that eventually gets the better of him, as he abandons the other survivors in a crashed vehicles. Rather than help the injured passengers, he runs away, heading straight into a zombie.

“Yeah, you know, I would love to help, but a captain never works alongside his men.”

Night of the Living Dead ( 1968/1990 ) – Harry Cooper

No Matter which version of George Romero’s classic story you watch, Harry Cooper is an outright dick. Harry is shown to be an arrogant, selfish and irrational man, who takes instant dislike to natural leader Ben. Trying to take command of the situation, Harry clashes with Ben, who is just trying to secure the old farm house from the zombies. Angry, and frustrated, Harry resorts to shouting and bullying to get his own way, he even vindictively locks Ben outside after a failed escape attempt. It’s his aggressive and unruly nature that see his demise come at the end of a barrel.

“We’ll see who’s right. We’ll see, when they come begging me to let them in down here.”

Braindead (1992) – Uncle Les

Uncle Les is the overweight, perverted and rude uncle of Lionel. Only interested in the family inheritance, Les blackmails Lionel to giving him the house and money left to him from his (barely) departed mother. Whilst he helps to fight the undead horde, his petulance and uncontrolled anger lead him to his ultimate demise.

“Step right up you greebo bastards!!”

Land of the Dead (2005) –  Paul Kaufman

In the Luxury high-rise known as Fiddlers Green, the rich live an opulent lifestyle whilst the survivors below live in slums. Paul Kaufman is the city’s ruthless ruler who secretly has rivals murdered and disposed. After double crossing employee Cholo DeMora, Kaufman finds his safe haven under threat. When the zombie horde invades, he cowardly chooses to run away, resulting in his death.

“In a world where the dead are returning to life, the word “trouble” loses much of its meaning.”

Day of the Dead (1985) – Captain Rhodes

Rhodes is a former military captain sheltered with soldiers and scientist in the Seminole Storage Facility. He is aggressive rude and violent, threatening everyone around him. Stuck in the bunker for months on end, Rhodes becomes unstable and angry. When Major Cooper dies, Rhodes takes charge of the facility and threatens to shut down the research. Upon discovering the nature of the research, he becomes insane and starts killing the scientist. When the facility is over run, Rhodes is torn apart by a zombie horde.

“choke on em”

Resident Evil (2002) – Spence

Spence was a security operative for the Umbrella Corporation. Assigned to protect the secondary entrance to the Hive. Spence and Alice lived in a mansion in the Arklay Mountains, working undercover in a fake marriage. Spence spent some time spying on Alice, where he discovered a plot to steal the T-Virus, in order to show the world press that Umbrella was secretly developing biological weapons. Spence decided to steal it ahead of Alice and sell it on the black market. To escape the secure facility, he releases the T-Virus, killing everyone in the Hive. He gets his comeuppance when a mutated human, known as a Licker, kills him.

“I wouldn’t wanna shoot you. I might need the bullets.”

Train to Busan (2016)  – Yon-suk

The suited, arrogant business man that derails the story for many of the characters in Train to Busan is a real ASSHOLE. Yong-suk is horrified at the zombie apocalypse, and becomes obsessed with his single minded pursuit to reach his mother in Busan. The other people are nothing more than distraction for the undead horde, and he uses everyone for his own gain. He creates lynch mobs by rallying already scared patrons, and even throws people into zombies to protect himself. He manipulates, lies and out right murders his fellow passengers. He does however get his comeuppance, turning from a bite in a last minute brawl for survival. 

“Busan is still open, so lets go there!”

Keep Rotten”

“Morti” The Mortician