Everybody loves a good villain. But behind all the anger and daddy issues (seriously! Parents hug your kids more!) lies a bunch of willing subservients just dying to please their lord and commander. From psychotic war machines, hybrid hit-men and innocent school girls, we look at some of the weirdest henchman that have ever graced the front of a camera lenses. These guys may not be the best, but they are damned sure the weirdest, The Strangest Henchman in Film.

The Golden Child (1986) – Fu the Monkey Man

Whilst most films love to give you in depth back stories on their henchmen; because it’s good to know that the big guy with a burnt face once fell into a volcano, The Golden Child plays it’s villain cards a little closer to it’s chest.

Fu, the weird twitchy monkey man henchman of Sardo Numspa, has no explanation what so ever. Is he half-monkey, some weird mutation, or a strange liaison with a drunk Tibetan lady and randy baboon?

FU, played by actor Pons Maar, who also played reptilian bounty hunter “Saurod” in Masters of the Universe, seemingly appears just so Eddy Murphy can get a single, dead pan, joke in (“get your monkey off my back!”).  What’s weirder is his choice of casual close, sunglasses and Visor! He is supposed to be intimidating right?

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – Arnold Ernst Toht

There are plenty of strange henchman in the Indian Jone franchise, but the creepiest and oddball of them all is the ruthless Arnold Ernst Toht. This hamster of a man is certainly relentless in his endeavours, but his creepy eyes and squirrely nature really give him an eerie presence when ever he is in a scene. The fact that his persistence and sadistic qualities almost defeat Indiana Jones makes him a force to be reckoned with.  

In a scene where actor Ron Lacey could not shoot, Steven Spielberg required Toht to be in vehicle, as scenes were shot previously with the character in the car.  To solve the issue, Spielberg simply piled the cloths in the car with the hat on top, to give the impression that Toht is sat down in the front. Seriously… it’s in the movie.

The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) – Nick Nack

Before Doctor Evil was miniaturizing evil clones, there was a little rascal called Nick Nack, that made life hell for Roger Moore’s James Bond. The dwarf henchman of Francisco Scaramanga (The man with the golden gun), Nick Nack works as a strange hybrid of butler, henchman, and homicidal maniac. Played by Fantasy Island‘s Herve Villechaise, the half pint hitman proves that James Bond villains can come in all shapes and sizes, and still pack a real punch. Just one that comes from lower down and at your groin!

The Crow (1994) – Myca

Myca is Top Dollar’s half-sister and his most loyal servant.  With a penchant for all things supernatural, she likes to experiment with dark magic, and especially likes cutting out people’s eyes, believing them to be the true source of power. As a henchman, she does not do a lot, and she acts more like a consultant and spiritual adviser to Top Dollar. But this strange and morbid woman is cruel and callous and is not afraid to get her hands dirty.

The Road warrior (1981) – Wez

When your a sadomasochistic warlord, I guess it pays to keep a few crazies around. Wez, the mohawked, leather-clad biker, serves as Lord Humungus’ lieutenant and leads many of the attacks with his slave partner Golden Youth. However, a brief boomerang to the face kills Wez’s buddy and this leads him into a rage that only chains can prevent.

The mad-dog minion is as feral as they come, with his primal screams, crazy eyes and cruel nature all trademarks of his villainy. This memorable henchman is one of the best remembered character of the Mad Max films, making the titular hero, Max, look like the Dalai Lama.

Actor Vernon Wells is no stranger to quirky henchman, having played Bennett in Arnold Schwarzenegger megahit Commando and the evil Mr. Igoe in the Quaid /Short sci-fi smash Innerspace. Wells also reprised his role of Wez, in the 1985 teen comedy, Weird Science, as he and his goons (yes he’s the boss now) crash a high-school party.  

Innerspace (1987) – Mr. Igoe

The Mute hitman is super HANDY to have around. Mr. Igoe is a sinister henchman working for Victor Scrimshaw, who wishes to get his hands-on miniaturisation technology for evil gains.  A clear parody of your classic James Bond villain, Mr. Igoe is missing his left hand. But like any good hit-man, he uses this disability to his advantage, strapping on various different devices, such as “hand” guns, blowtorches and even a dildo. Yep, you read that right! In one scene Mr. Igoe gets intermate with evil collaborator Dr. Margaret Canker, and although it’s done off screen, you hear the sound of a vibrating object. This one-armed bandit is certainly not your usual Henchman.

Kill Bill (2003) – Gogo Yubari

As 17-year-olds go, Gogo Yubari is possible the most psychotic. Gogo is the personal body guard of O-Ren Ishii, and what she lacks in age, she makes up for in madness. She dresses as a young school girl, in order to deceive her enemies, but this seemingly innocent young lady is a proficient fighter, who is able to handle tricky weapons such as the meteor hammer. With her sinister smile, manic giggling and a death stare enough to make Luigi wet his kecks, this strange young woman is completely unpredictable.

GoGo’s role is a direct reference to Actress Chiaki Kuriyama’s character from the Japanese movie Battle Royale, which so happens to be Quentin Tarantino’s favorite movies.

Mortal Kombat (1995) – Reptile

The lizard like Reptile from the video game adaption of Mortal Kombat is probably one of the most stupidly pointless characters in the movie. As a lacky Shang Tsung, Reptile is sent out to spy on Princess Kitana. But unlike most spies that feedback information to their master, Reptile just gets gobbled up by some sort of gargoyle creature and is transformed into able bodied fighting ninja. How does this “spy” try to gather intelligence? By going all karate kid on his targets ass. Now imagine if James Bond went around just punching every villain he met. That’s pretty much what happens here. Rather than doing what he was instructed too, he just goes crazy and attacks Liu Kang. Fight sequence aside, Reptile is a weird and pointless character that does nothing to move the story along.

As it turns out, Reptile was never in the original script. After test audience found the fight sequences a little dull, Reptile was added to spice the film up, and add an extra “exciting” fight. And so, the worlds most useless spy was introduced into the film, thanks to some careful re-shoots and some terrible CGI. Oh, and how do you introduce a character into scenes already shot? Oh..yes…he can turn invisible… right!

“Wasup Horror Fans – We’ve had some wacky characters on our pages but this are the weirdest. Imagine the fun you’d have throwing them all into the THUNDERDOME for an all out bloody extravaganza.  Did we miss something out? Maybe you want disagree with our list? Just drop us a message below and i’ll see you next time. 

Keep Rotten”

“Morti” The Mortician